I was horrified to hear from my son that he’d been told off by an angry Mr X for having his shirt untucked. An excessive punishment keeping him in at break and my son is traumatised… Is this an example of your famous pastoral care that’s splashed all over your website?’
And so on, the heat rising with each word. First email of the day, the inbox emitting toxic smoke. Check the time of sending: 22.47. If emails could slur they probably would.
As a Head I would be at my desk by 7am every morning. Some quiet time to prepare for the day. Turning on the computer one day a message flashed up: ‘Fatal Error’. Was that a computer malfunction or some empathic AI bot telling me to go home? I laughed out loud. The old adage: try switching it off and on again. It worked.
Upon investigation, Mr. X had indeed told the boy off. Yes, his shirt was untucked but the part of the story he omitted to tell his parent was that he’d tripped up one of his classmates whose books, papers and pens were cast across the classroom floor, much to his peers’ amusement. Mr. X had done it with a smile on his face – one of the pupils’ favourite teachers – but kept the boy in at break. The story is apocryphal but, like an Aesop’s fable, there is a genuine, important message.
Some years ago the Head of a Kent school wrote to the parents imploring them to pause, to question, to think before roasting a member of staff. His colleagues were becoming wary of chastising a child for fear of reprisal – a phenomenon I have encountered. The letter went viral. He had a point. If teachers retreat from a reprimand then where is the learning; the course correction?
A former Head of Westminster School would welcome new parents with some sage advice: ‘If you believe only half of the stories which come home from school, we, in turn, will believe only half of the stories which come to school from home.’

The moral is to sense check. Children’s perceptions are very different to those of an adult. If your children express a concern, seek detail and background from them before reacting. Then, and only then, contact the school – not blaming or accusing – but asking for their view; the context. Yes, teachers and schools will sometimes get it wrong, but they do need your support and you do need to work together.
We’re now about a month into the school year – new schools, classes and teachers for many. I would often caution parents about ‘week three’ when novelty has worn off and some fatigue makes an insidious arrival. If your child has not settled well, engage with the professionals. Contact the school asking for their view about wellbeing, work and behaviour.
Even with the most articulate and the best intentions, emails are open to interpretation. Ask for a meeting (in person, ideally) for a proper exchange of views. A teacher should want to know about how things are at home, just as you will wish to hear about how things are at school. I recall one particularly delightful, voluble, amusing adolescent boy who simply wouldn’t shut up in school. Mentioning this to the parents they said they were lucky if they even got a grunt from him at home. They were delighted to hear it.
I wonder if there is something societally symptomatic here? ‘People’ are very quick to take offence; to react impulsively without forethought. Schools and teachers want the same as you: the best for your children. Engage with them. Communicate. Trust. There are three partners in the educational relationship: pupil, parent, teacher, all with the same goal.

Mike’s book, Careering, is available now through troubador.co.uk. 
You can contact Mike at mikepiercy@hotmail.com 
with your education-related queries.