Is your child well connected? I don’t mean, do they go to nursery with triple-barrelled playmates, or lounge through their older years alongside celebrity teens. Neither do I mean, are they permanently on superfast broadband with an iPad attached to their hand. I’m talking about something much more important than that.

Every child psychologist in the world will tell you that a child needs to feel well-anchored inside themselves in order to grow up secure and well-adjusted. But one well-known child expert goes much further than this, saying a child needs to acquire many onion skin layers of connectivity in order to become a strong, independent adult at ease with themselves and in the world.

Edward Hallowell is an eminent US clinical psychiatrist, a best-selling author and ADHD expert, who has wealthy New York parents queuing at his door to discover the secrets of successful child rearing. And he believes that bringing up a well-connected child, with ever-wider ripples of connectivity around them, is the key to adult happiness.

In his model, there are twelve distinct circles of connectivity, some of them obvious but some surprising. They are:

Obviously all these are interlinked and crop up all the time in growing children’s lives. And many of them develop organically. But as parents it can be helpful to hold in mind that picture of spreading ripples, and to consciously try to develop them.

This might mean double-checking that home and school are providing the right sort of environments for good connectivity. It might mean enrolling your child in a neighbourhood Scouts or Guides group, or talking about the affairs of the day around the dinner table. It might mean initiating more family outings to concerts or exhibitions, creating a chore rota for everyone who lives at home, or deciding to spend more time out-of-doors.

Perhaps more than anything, it might mean taking care not to think that school grades and achievements are everything in life, and making the effort to open up the wider world to your child in every way possible.

How to encourage connectivity…
MODEL a connected life. Let your child see that you value friends, family and neighbours, that you take your job seriously, enjoy hobbies such as drawing, singing or sport, and make time to do things for others.
CHAT to your children about anything and everything – nature, films, politics, family history. Keep it simple when they’re young, go deeper as they grow. Use family mealtimes as opportunities for discussion, learning – and arguments.
LISTEN to what your child has to say and take time to try and understand their viewpoint. Show your child the same respect you would want them to show you. Help them learn about their emotions and feelings, and about how they come and go. Allow them to be unhappy and to get over it.
INSIST on the things that you think matter – doing family chores, taking responsibility for homework, showing good manners, turning up on time to soccer training or regularly practising a musical instrument. Children flourish when they know what’s expected.
ENCOURAGE you child to try new things, join local groups, sign up to a workshop or have a go at an untried sport or hobby. Help them to enjoy learning and not mind making mistakes. Help them see that school grades are only one aspect of a rich and happy life.
GET OUT AND ABOUT to more local activities, to museums and galleries, and into the great outdoors. Make sure the real world stays more real to your child than the digital one.

Of course, if all this seems too complicated, you could just follow one of Edward Hallowell’s main and favourite pieces of advice. “GET A PET, GET A PET, GET A PET…” Nothing teaches a child quite as much about life, loss, listening and responsibility, he believes, than loving and looking after an animal.

For more information The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness by Edward M. Hallowell, is available on Amazon.

Hilary Wilce is an education writer and life coach. Her two e-books for parents, Backbone: how to build the character your child needs to succeed and The Six Secrets of School Success are available on Amazon.